In the forest, in a marsh's camp, in a highly protected den, a pale golden she-cat was curled up, her fur messy and knotted, her face was buried, not visible. Her sides rose and fell peacefully. If you could call that, what seemed to be a tail curled around her body. Right now, there was not way to tell where she ended and where she begun, she was too 'tangled' up. She seemed to be sleeping, and that she was. Her continuous nightmares from stress and negativity, an possibly from lack of food, were almost a touch of reality, hardly worse then that. She would always wake up in a dark forest, always her fur was nice and there were no hunger pains. But it was terrifying, there was no one there, just voices screaming at her, negative thoughts in every word. About her. She felt alone, more so then she did even in her real world. She would run, calling for someone, anyone. Right now, she wouldn't care even if it was her former sister-in-law, she just wanted someone. It hurt to be alone, it hurt bad.
"Failure!" One of the voices screamed, the she bite her tongue to keep from crying, she knew that. "Father, please, come out!" She screamed, she stopped running and looked around her. "Who would want to be mates with you?" Another voice cackled. She flattened her ears. "Stop! Please, just come out to me!" She called out. She saw flashing eyes in the bushes, she wanted to run to them, but she felt like her paws were steel, they were heavy and she couldn't move them.
"Look at you, your a pathetic excuse for a living piece of crowfood, no wonder he broke up with you!" She stopped trying to move, her eyes widened and a shiver ran down her spine. She couldn't hold it anymore, tears spilled out. "Flamey, p-please no." She choked out, she could recognise her brother's voice anywhere. There was no response from Flamefur. She wanted to see him again, but no one revealed themselves. The clearing was utterly silent for a second. "I can understand why my brother broke your heart, but I can't understand why he even bothered with you in the first place." Another voice rang out, she'd never forget that voice. "Skyfall, I understand I took it over the limit but..." A screech ran out. She let out a whimper and glanced around behind her. Nothing. She squashed herself agains the ground and shivered a bit.
"Hah! She's right. Your ugly, pathetic and a coward!" A voice, one the pale tabby didn't recognise at first. She frowned, it was familiar, but who was it? It hit her. It was her brother's beloved, Mistyfang. The tabby sniffed, tears still fell down. "C-come out!" She screeched, standing up again. It was quiet again for the longest five minutes of the she's life. She froze, it was scary. It was dead silent, nothing made a noise. She pricked her ears. The silence hurt her ears, the eyes were gone, she glanced around, wondering if someone would come out.
Then a tsunami of voice hit her, voices screeched in her ears, she couldn't even distinguish most of them. She flattened her ears, she got her paws unstuck finally and shot forward, trying to escape. But the voices were relentless, almost pursuing her. She glanced her, nothing. She looked ahead again, dodging each tree and jumping over obstacles in her way. She started screaming at the voices to stop, the tears had dried and her eyes hurt. She couldn't hear her own voice. The voices yelled at her, that she was a failure, idiotic, exedra. She suddenly felt no ground underneath her paws. She let out a scream, it felt like she was plummeting to her doom. The voices decreased as she fell. She closed her eyes and hopefully for a quick death. It suddenly felt like she impaled herself and she woke up.
Her eyes snapped open and she let out a screech. Then shutting her mouth quickly and raising her head. She awoke a blue-grey returning Queen. The she-cat looked at the tabby. "Are you okay?" The grey she asked. The pale golden she-cat swallowed. "I-I'm fine, Mistyfang. I just need some air." The tabby mewed. Doubt shone in Mistyfang's eyes, but she nodded. Goldenlight stood up and stretched, then padded away from her nest, her ribs were painfully visible, and her stomach was swollen twice it's normal size. Which was an odd combination. She glanced around and saw a figure sleepily padding towards her. He blinked a few times. "Golden? Are you okay? I heard-" He was cut out. "I'm fine, Flame. I just needed air." She mewed quietly. "Is Mistyfang okay?" Flamefur asked. "She's fine." Goldenlight rasped, and instead of saying good bye, she pushed past him and padded away. He gazed after her, usually it would e confusing for his sister to act that way, but recently it wasn't surprising.
Goldenlight let out a sigh, it was as if she couldn't control her lash outs sometimes, like she wasn't herself, and she guessed to wasn't. The fur on her cheeks was dry and crusty from crying so many times. The darkness of night wasn't affecting her, she just wanted to be alone. She padded to camp entrance and exited PumpkinClan's camp, she flicked her ears forward, she knew she wasn't supposed to hunt, and she didn't plan to, but the night's noises had always fascinated her. She opened her maw, bringing in scents of the forest. Pangs of hurt ran through her stomach, harder then before. But she was used to it, she wasn't paying to much heed to it.
She heard a rustle and quickly drew in a breath, the scent of squirrel flooded her nose, normally, even in her state, she would race after it. Not today, she spotted it and watched it run. Goldenlight let out a sigh and padded on. She felt the bitter taste of loneliness, as she had for the past moon or so. Her mouth tasted stale, almost sour, even the little prey she'd eaten was horrid. Nothing was very good. Not since her mate called them exes. She squeezed her eyes shut at the memory, fighting back tears, she let out a deep breath and opened her eyes. She gazed around, seeing if there was anywhere she could rest for a minute, she felt a little dizzy.
Pain shot through her stomach and she let out a yowl, her legs buckled underneath her. She didn't want to face it, but she knew what was happening. She stood up shakily and stumbled back to camp, pain shooting through her. She limped through the entrance and tripped. She gritted her teeth and got up, padding stubbornly over to Robinfrost's den. Her vision was starting to become fuzzy.
"Robinfrost?" She hissed loudly. She heard a groan. "Who's there?" She got back. Goldenlight laid down, pain harder then even before shooting through her. "They're coming!" She snapped in surprise as another wave of pain washed over her. Only confusing the poor, tired medicine cat, Robinfrost's meow rang out through the silence of the den. "Who's coming?" She asked groggily, her voice laced with tiredness. "My kits!" Goldenlight almost lost her temper. Robinfrost snapped out of her tired faze. "Lay down in a nest, uh, or there." She meowed and raced off somewhere, then returned with a stick and a few herbs. Goldenlight let out a screech, her eyes clouded up. "Take this." Is what she heard next, before losing consciousness.
Goldenlight woke up in the medicine cat's den, she blinked a few times and groaned, her hurt all over. She raised her head weakly, she felt something tickling her belly and looked down. There, laying beside her, slept four little bundles of fur. One was grey and spotted, one looked like a mini her, one was a blue point tabby, and the last one looked like her brother. She didn't see one that looked like their father, was she glad, or upset about that? She wasn't sure. She licked each one of them, and let a few tears slid down her cheeks. "Welcome to the world little ones." She choked. She heard pawsteps and quickly brushed away the tears. "How's the mother and her happy four kits?" Robinfrost asked as she padded in. Goldenlight didn't want to admit her true feelings, so she swallowed hard. "Fine." She lied, even now with her kits, she felt alone. How was she going to manage four bundles by herself?
"You had a hard delivery from starvation. Goldenlight, how many cats have told you to eat?" The medicine cat questioned her, looking her right in the eye.. Goldenlight bit her tongue. "Well let's see, Flamefur, Mistyfang, Sunfoot..." She trailed off as Robinfrost let out an audible sigh. "Goldenlight, you need to eat, for your kits if anything." Robinfrost meowed and padded down into her den. "I'm not hungry." Goldenlight mumbled. "Do you need help moving them to the nursery?" Robinfrost called back to her. Goldenlight glanced at the tiny things, they were smaller then most kits she seen, it was almost alarming. She sighed quietly. "No, I'm fine." She replied and got up, her legs were shaky and unstable, but she picked up each kit in their turn and carried them to the nursery, then curled around them. No one was here at the moments, she she cleaned them off ad started crying. "I'm so sorry little ones." She sobbed quietly. "I'm going to be your only parent, please-please don't g-give me too much trouble." She choked.
"I love you four."